Warning: This post is very personal and shows an extremely vulnerable side of yours truly. If you think you are unable to keep yourself from judging me and from seeing me as a human being who is constantly learning from life and makes mistakes... then please ignore this post.
No stories or advice can truly prepare you for the hardship of parenthood until you actually become a parent. And for me to say that the last few weeks had brought me nothing but rewarding emotions would be... a complete lie. In fact, it feels as though I'm finding myself constantly questioning the decisions and actions I've made that lead me to where I am right now.
I hope it's justifiable to have this emotions because of what I've been through the past three weeks: from being a first time parent, for having baby blues due to a complicated labor & delivery, to breastfeeding issues, and to the constant battle to keep and soothe my child from being in pain. But I still cannot help but feel inadequate as a parent and that maybe I was better off without a child. And as soon as those thoughts enter my mind, I then feel even worse because I am sorry for this little child for being entrusted to me.
But that is just it... God entrusted me with this life. He chose me to nurture, care for, and love this human being. So even though taking a shower, eating, and pooping have become a luxury, I get up and do what I'm supposed to do even when I have to force myself most of the time. If only the feeling of inadequacy goes away, I know this parenting thing will come much easier. I just need to start believing in my ability to raise this little boy just as God believed and know that I can.
No stories or advice can truly prepare you for the hardship of parenthood until you actually become a parent. And for me to say that the last few weeks had brought me nothing but rewarding emotions would be... a complete lie. In fact, it feels as though I'm finding myself constantly questioning the decisions and actions I've made that lead me to where I am right now.
I hope it's justifiable to have this emotions because of what I've been through the past three weeks: from being a first time parent, for having baby blues due to a complicated labor & delivery, to breastfeeding issues, and to the constant battle to keep and soothe my child from being in pain. But I still cannot help but feel inadequate as a parent and that maybe I was better off without a child. And as soon as those thoughts enter my mind, I then feel even worse because I am sorry for this little child for being entrusted to me.
But that is just it... God entrusted me with this life. He chose me to nurture, care for, and love this human being. So even though taking a shower, eating, and pooping have become a luxury, I get up and do what I'm supposed to do even when I have to force myself most of the time. If only the feeling of inadequacy goes away, I know this parenting thing will come much easier. I just need to start believing in my ability to raise this little boy just as God believed and know that I can.
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Have a blessed day!