Find Your Happiness

I recently accepted a per diem RN position and will most likely start working in the next couple of weeks. Dean and I did not plan on me returning to work (if ever) this soon especially since Nathaniel just turned six weeks yesterday. To be honest, when I started applying for per diem positions earlier this month, I didn't think I would already be offered a position three weeks later. The job only requires me to work four days a month and be on standby every 7th weekend and one major holiday where I will get paid half of my hourly salary while being on standy. It truly is a great offer where it fits with our schedule (10-hr shift), earn extra $ while keeping up my nursing skills, and will only be away from my little boy once or twice a week and still able to spend time with Dean during the weekends. We're afraid that if we let this pass and wait until the regular 12-weeks maternity leave that I won't be able to find a job as flexible as this one. So after much discussion an...

Nathaniel is a month old today! With his Big Ted from Uncle Robbie I'm ashamed to admit that most days I wish Nathaniel is already a little bit older because I have this irrational belief that things will be just easier if he is. And now that I look at the past month, that belief is true in some aspects but now my heart also aches... I look at my son and cannot believe that he's already a month old. Soon he will be smiling, "talking", crawling, and next thing I know he'll be running away from me. And so I snuggle with my little boy a little bit longer. Look at him more intently. And treasure these moments that I know won't last very long. 12.25.10 10 days old He didn't have to wake up, he'd been up all night Laying there in bed listening to his new born baby cry He makes a pot of coffee, he splashes water on his face His wife gives him a kiss and says it's gonna be ok It won’t be like this for long One day soon we'll look back ...

My little monster, as I like to call him recently, is four weeks and two days today. We were unable to get him weighed last Tuesday since I started "training" him to sleep on his own again without being held so needless to say it was a very long, draining day that included tons of crying from both mommy and baby. I'm assuming Nathaniel is now more than 10lbs since he weighed 9lbs, 13oz last Friday. 1.13.10 4 weeks, 1 day It is so sad to think that this precious face quickly turned to the next picture in an hour time span because I layed him down in his bassinet after falling asleep while breastfeeding. My husband and I are questioning whether Nathaniel is too young for the "crying out method" and to be honest I am still against it. Listening to him cry his little heart out literally gives me a headache not because it sounds annoying but rather because I have to fight every ounce in my body that's telling me to console my son. Dean says he doesn...

Warning: This post is very personal and shows an extremely vulnerable side of yours truly. If you think you are unable to keep yourself from judging me and from seeing me as a human being who is constantly learning from life and makes mistakes... then please ignore this post. No stories or advice can truly prepare you for the hardship of parenthood until you actually become a parent. And for me to say that the last few weeks had brought me nothing but rewarding emotions would be... a complete lie. In fact, it feels as though I'm finding myself constantly questioning the decisions and actions I've made that lead me to where I am right now. I hope it's justifiable to have this emotions because of what I've been through the past three weeks: from being a first time parent, for having baby blues due to a complicated labor & delivery, to breastfeeding issues, and to the constant battle to keep and soothe my child from being in p...